How To Make Your Children Miserable

I had a plan for today. I had household tasks in the morning, then I was going to dedicate my afternoon to the boys. I just had a few things to do: Can the tomato sauce I made yesterday, vacuum the house, clean the kitchen and the dining room, do the boys' laundry, finish the homemade foccacia, go to the grocery store, and have dinner on the table for my folks at 6:30. I should have been able to have all of that done by noon, right?

Things started to go wrong right away. The sauce needed to be reduced by about another third. That took about 2 hours. I cleaned while it was reducing, but who wants to clean the kitchen before you can tomato sauce? In order to vacuum, I needed the boys to clean their rooms and the family room. That was a fight. By the time I had the house cleaned and the canning done, it was 1 PM and the boys hadn't had lunch, and I still hadn't showered. At 1:30 we went to the grocery store.

I started on the perimeter as I always do. I promised the boys that if they were good through the whole store, I'd get them Dibs. I got about 3/4 of the stuff we needed, mainly produce and a few staples like rice. The boys were terrific, so we went to get the promised Dibs. Well, guess what? Safeway's refrigeration system was out. All of the center frozen aisles were closed to traffic. No ice cream. No waffles. No yogurt. No Parmesan. There was no way I was going to another store with 2 little kids, so I suggested cupcakes as a substitute. They were agreeable to that. Sadly, pre-made cupcakes were another casualty of the refrigeration failure. So I picked up a cake mix and canned frosting. Yuck. Now I have to add making cupcakes to my to-do list.

When we got home, I asked the boys to clean up. They refused, as they'd done all day. I also started trying to shape the foccacia. Alice Water's book said I could let it rise overnight in the fridge, but that I should take it out 2 hours before I shaped it. I had remembered to take it out at 1:30, and at 3:30, the dough was impossible. It was super-elastic and springing back into shape, except where it insisted on tearing. I tried to roll out the dough, but my rolling pins are all down at the business. I tried using a glass, and that was an exercise in frustration.

While I was wrestling the dough, the boys were tearing around the house, yelling, screaming and whining. Between the dough and the boys, I finally lost it. I set the timer for 15 minutes, and I told the boys that anything that was not put away when the bell went off was going in the trash. I began shaping the dough by punching it and pounding it, which is NOT the recommended way to handle dough. By the time the bell rang, both the bread and the boys were flattened into submission.

So clearly this was not the happy family day I had planned. That was definitely the low point. After the bread was set aside to rise, the boys went outside to play (thank god!) while I made cupcakes. Grandma showed up, which improved the boys attitude. Rudy got home from work and hosed everyone off to much laughter. And we all sat down to a really great dinner. Even the beaten bread turned out all right, especially when it was dipped in sauce.

Deconstructed Pasta Marinara
Serves 6

1 lb dried pasta
1 quart tomato-basil sauce or other red sauce
1 zucchini, sliced in 1/2 inch rounds and quartered
1 red bell pepper, julienned
1 yellow bell pepper, julienned
10 button mushrooms, quartered
Olive oil

Shredded Parmesan

1. Heat olive oil in a skillet. Add both kinds of peppers. Saute for 10 minutes. Remove peppers from pan into a bowl. Add a bit more olive oil and the zucchini. Saute for 2 minutes. Add the mushrooms. Saute for 5 minutes more. Add the peppers back to the pan and saute together for 5 minutes. Remove from heat. (If you'd like to fully deconstruct this meal, cook the zucchini and the mushrooms separately. Don't combine the veggies at the end - just put them each in their own bowl.
2. Put the red sauce in a small pot and heat through.
3. Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Cook the pasta for 10 minutes, drain.
4. Let each person assemble their own pasta, either in the kitchen or at the table.

Serve with garlic bread or homemade foccacia. (I made the foccacia this day with all white flour and roasted garlic in the dough. Although it was hard to work with, it was very, very good.)