Proof Positive: Parents Create Food Monsters

I've recently encountered two young men - 19 and 20 - who live in different parts of the country. One is from semi-rural Virginia, and one from the Bay Area. What they have in common is that their parents took the easy way out when it comes to food, and you can see the impact in their diets today.

They both were raised on fast foods and convenience foods. Their diets growing up were limited to Mac and Cheese, chicken tenders, pizza, hamburgers, and fries. They were never pushed to try additional foods. In fact, if they didn't like the food being served, their mothers would jump up and microwave something different for them.

The result is that each young man has an extremely limited diet, and a complete unwillingness to try anything different. I attended one man's wedding, and there were chicken tenders at the reception so he would have something to eat. The following night, the hostess had to bake him a potato separately because he was unwilling to eat the herb-roasted potatoes she was serving. As his father-in-law described, "he has the diet of a two-year-old." There are only five foods that he will eat: potatoes (baked or french fried), chicken tenders, hamburgers, steak, and pizza. Given that he won't eat any fruits or vegetables, I would say his diet is less healthy that the average toddler's.

The second young man dines entirely in fast food restaurants. He doesn't know how to cook, and he doesn't want to learn. He grew up on fast food, and that's what he eats. It's all he eats.

Both men are lean, but I imagine that as their metabolisms change, they will gain unhealthy weight. They will also begin to see heart and circulatory problems from their limited diets, and their immune systems will suffer.

Kids who are raised without a diet based on a wide variety of foods won't wake up one day and suddenly want broccoli and grapefruit. The habits they learn as children stick with them for life, unless they make a conscious and sustained effort to change their eating patterns. I believe that as parents, we are shirking our responsibilities if we don't get lots of veggies, fruits, and whole grains in front of our kids. It's a lack of discipline for both them and us.

Kids can be very picky eaters, but if we expose them to a great variety of foods, eventually they'll eat a great variety of foods. They may not eat everything, but they'll eat more than kids who don't get pushed a bit on food. If they don't like broccoli today, we can try spinach or kale or salad tomorrow. Or Brussels sprouts. And try them again and again, until they have a variety of foods they like.

It can also work to shape some of this through manners. I learned this lesson the hard way. My father's best friend's parents were Newport Society. Mrs. Porter entertained in style. She kept note cards on all her guests, and she planned her menus so that no guest would ever have the same dish twice at her house. She also kept notes on their preferences. We were invited to the Porter's for a dinner party when I was about 10 or 11. She had planned this beautiful menu with a Russian theme -I remember borscht and some kind of fish dish. I piped up in the middle of soup that my father didn't like fish and neither did I. Mrs. Porter was mortified, because she thought she should have known that about my dad. She immediately got up and made us each a separate dinner. My father was humiliated and furious at me. I felt like a heel and I didn't know why.

That night, I received a lesson in etiquette from my father. He explained what I had done wrong. He told me that polite people taste each dish that is offered, and show their appreciation to the cook whether they like the meal or not. He told me that you eat what you're offered, and that two bites of fish won't kill you (although I now know that an exception is made for food that might actually kill you.) If you really can't eat the food, you put on a good show of eating and continue to show your appreciation, and you eat later at home. You never inconvenience the host, but instead show appreciation for all the effort they made in entertaining you. He also told me that polite hosts do not notice what or how much their guests have eaten, and they take all compliments gracefully.

I have never forgotten that lesson, and I hope to impart the same knowledge on my children, preferably through a less painful experience. I lay the foundation now by expecting my children and husband to show appreciation for dinner and not complain about the food. If they don't like something, they push it to the side and eat something else on the table.

We want our children to have healthy diets and good manners, and the family table is the place to start. Requiring tasting, appreciation, and undramatic rejection of disliked foods is a beginning. Then our kids won't be adults with a diet limited to only 5 microwavable items.